This week Cory cleans out his text messages and, well, brags (kind of). The NBA is more magic than we think. Cory could use an ab roller. All that and more…
“Magic in 5, Lakers in 6….Lakers in 6 for the title”
Graham (text)
There is absolutely no way that the Lake Show will beat the Magic in a Finals series. Lets take a look at The Lakers and then a look at The Magic.
-The Lakers do not defend the pick and roll all that well.
-The Lakers do not defend the three point shot, ever.
-The Lakers are not comfortable banging around with big men on the interior.
-The Lakers lost twice to the Magic this year, The Magic have an incredible record against playoff caliber teams all year.
Ok, that was easy….
Now, here is exactly how the Magic’s offense runs.
The Magic get down the court fast, they carry with them the fastest big man in the game. Meaning, Dwight Howard gets a faster post up position than any other big man in the game. The Magic then inlet pass to Howard who usually already has better position on the basket than TNT’s backboard cam does. He then takes the pass and does one of two things: 1) He decoys the defense by holding the ball which essentially equates to a threat to make post move to score. This leads to a forced double and triple team by the opposition, which leaves an onslaught of willing and capable three point shooters wide open. Once the double comes, Howard kicks the ball out to the top of the key which usually leads to a swing pass to the wing. The wing position player’s name being irrelevant, the only person associated with the Magic incapable of burying that shot from the wing is Patrick Chewning, and lets be honest, it remains to be seen at this point. 2) He makes a quick post move to beat the double team, creating a one-on-one situation. He wins any and all one-on-one situations. There is no one in the league that can stop Dwight Howard alone, under the basket. The Magic set up a series of brutal pick and rolls. The worst part of these pick and rolls, if you are the Lakers (or anyone), is that they are ran by multiple tandems who are all long range and mid range shooters (except Howard, but hey, by the time he receives the ball, he’s usually coming off a launch pad).
Dwight Howard alone is more destructive than Pau Gasol, Andrew Bynum and Colonel Kurts (from the final scene Apocalypse Now) combined. He’s athletic, long, not afraid to call for the ball, and not afraid of pain.
The Lakers losing twice in the regular season is meaningful. Listen, I hear all the time that “the regular season doesn’t mean anything.” This couldn’t be more untrue. Last year, The Lakers got pounded twice by the Celtics in the regular season. Anyone that believes that Kobe Bryant would go into a game, in Staples Center, vying for the best record in the NBA and not approach the game with a playoff intensity is simply not paying attention.
“I would love to see the Cavs win 3 in a row, but its not happening. They have to change something up.”
Sagi (text)
I hate to keep repeating this, but the Cavs are the worst team in the playoffs right now. There is nothing to change up. You don’t just magically (pun intended) find a solution for Dwight Howard. Right now, the Cavs locker room probably resembles the trailer for the movie, The Hangover. Everyone is just sitting around in bad shape and no one completely understands what happened the night before. You have to understand, this should be a sweep. It took Lebron James hitting a miracle three to get one win in Cleveland, that’s just not good. Miracle shots only inspire a series when they happen with a team that has a series lead. For example, if Lebron would have hit that shot and it would have put the Cavs up 2-0, series over, Cavs win.
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“I am debating some idiot in a bar right now. Help me. Would you rather…..Kim Kardashian or Kourtney Kardashian?”
-Jason (text)
This is probably one of the toughest, most controversial issues this column is taking on today. Immediately, I think most people go with Kim. And I get why. She’s not only hot, but she is novelty hot. You don’t find that package just anywhere. But here is the rub, Kourtney is hotter. I know its tough for some people to accept, but its true. If given the one time choice, you gotta take Kim, because there are a lot of other girls in the world as hot as Kourtney.
But Kourtney is hotter than Kim.
What a delightful and painful quandary.
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“I say the Lakers in 7 over the Nuggets”
Antonio Sabato Jr.
So last week, I ran into Antonio Sabato Jr. at The Playboy Mansion pajama party. We were both socialiting and talking Lakers basketball (yes, I am forcing this into my column because it makes me feel cool, hang me for it). He was just standing there, being Antonio, in a robe. I love his approach to the Mansion. Just stand around in a robe and wait for the girls to come to you. My problem is, I have to seek out the girls and talk. I have to come out with energy, because I don’t have Antonio’s abs. I also can’t drop my Melrose Place card. I have to fight for every inch. The Lakers play like Antonio does, they just wait for everything to come to them, while the Nuggets play like I do, aggressive and desperate. Its going to go 7 games and it will be close, but at the end of the day, if its close, the Melrose Place card and washboard abs are going to win, no matter how much energy and savvy they’re up against.
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“I’m telling you, HE’S (Lebron) 24!!!! Dude will be the greatest of all time.”
Matt Scott
And next year, he will be 25. I think that after The Magic send The Cavs on summer vacation, we need to end the Lebron birthday party. I know how old he is, but with every passing year, its becoming less and less relevant. The issue isn’t Lebron’s talent, there is obviously already enough talent on his part to be a champion. Its mental at this point. He needs to become a killer. He needs to take a page from Dwight Howard, who demanded the ball and called his coach out when his team was on the ropes. He needs to take a page from Kobe and elicit former teammates to talk about how much they don’t like him. Why? Because leaders can’t be liked by everyone. It doesn’t work. If everyone is your friend, you aren’t doing it right.
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“What a circus”
Airek (text)
This came right after Howard got T’d up for showing playoff intensity. What a perfect description of the NBA playoffs officiating this year. The officiating has been, without question, a circus-like environment. Come on guys, lets straighten this stuff out. If they don’t rescind Howard’s technical foul, there is no officiating justice left. And we can’t have tripping. So many things in this Final Four that could have been handled better in terms of officiating. Its the playoff folks, we shouldn’t be talking about officiating.
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“We need to take a break”
-Ex Girlfriend. (text)
Yep, that’s my life in a nutshell. A text message.
Hate this column? Got feedback? Email Cory at coryhedgepeth@gmail.com.
